Hi, it’s nice to see you again!
Alexandra here, I hope that you’re doing good, feeling good, and you’re ready for this video!
Last week, in Personal Growth, I gave you 15 tips to help in the proper building of self esteem starting right now, and below is the link if you haven’t seen the video, so make sure you take advantage of it.
If you’ve seen the video and if it brought something of value to you, I always recommend watching it again as new things could stand out to you, and it can help solidify some of the talking points in your mind.
Today in Relationships & Sex, we’ll talk about What men want in a woman. I’m taking your questions, and below are all the ways to reach me. Also today, every time [this pops up on the screen], I’d like for you to pause the video, and on a piece of paper, write a personal goal that you’d like to accomplish either by the end of this week, or next week. Write one goal down, then resume the video.
Marketers out there are going to thing I'm stupid for encouraging you to stop the video, but screw them!!! We're doing this for YOUR greater good!! And I’ll tell you the why and how of this exercise at the end of the video.
Let’s start talking about what men want in a woman and a relationship. First, I’d like to state the obvious: Not all men are the same. Not all men want the same thing in a woman or a in relationship. The type of man that I’ve talked to, gathered feedback from, dated, and have done extensive research on for the past 6 years, is the kind of man that has drive. The type of man that is interested in growth,
and doing something good with his life… He’s a provider, and has serious intentions.
I am personally very attracted to people like that in general, because I find it motivating to be around them. It’s inspiring to me, it makes me Want to be a better person, work harder. It keeps me on my toes, and I think it’s important to be motivated and inspired by the people around us. As the saying goes, we are whom we hang out with, and that's why it's so important to become a little pickier with those we choose to have around…
Now, during this research, of course, some prefer blondes, some prefer brunettes, there are several differences in opinions, but one thing I noticed, was this universal set of traits that these men are looking for in a relationship. So those are the things that we are going to go over today, in no specific order.
And we’ll start right now:
#1. Great men want straightforward women. Courageous communication without raising the tone of voice or being too aggressive, is very sexy to this kind of man. Straightforward women will not only attract a great man, they know how to communicate their needs and wants very effectively, so they are far more satisfied in the relationship than gals expecting men to read their minds.
And I’m just as guilty as any other woman! Most men are very simple creatures when it comes down to communication. Allow me to explain. Men typically say what they mean, and they mean what they say. There’s not a whole lot of pixie dusting when it comes down to the way they communicate, and that’s when us, women, tend to take things personally.
I’m hungry.
I’m horny.
Not now.
In a little bit.
Those pants look weird on you.
There isn’t a whole lot of second guessing or hidden messaging in men’s communication if we choose to listen.
Women on the other hand, we’re all guilty of it! We speak a completely different language. We expect men to know EXACTLY what we are thinking. We want them to be thoughtful and figure out precisely what we want, without us having to tell them. They better be darn good mind readers! They should know what we want! When we get mad we say things like
“I’m fine!”
“I don’t need your help anymore” When in fact, what we mean is, we want you to drop whatever the hell you’re doing right now, and give us a hand. So to a man that’s very simply wired, this is just a whole lot of confusing. Somehow he can tell that he’s about to walk into a propeller. Wait a minute! She’s saying one thing, but it kind of sounds like she means something else. So this kind of communication ads unnecessary tension that WILL hurt the relationship. Not only do men LOVE a woman that will politely speak her mind, they appreciate a woman that can communicate to a man – In a way a man can understand. Simply.
There’s no other way to put it. And I have found from experience, that the moment we get over the feeling of “I shouldn’t have to tell him what I need, he should know”, and instead rather say what we need, we will get what we want faster and easier, and the relationship will not be strained.
#2. Most men may come off strong and manly, but they need to feel needed. So, make him do stuff, give him a job. Ask him to fix or build something, come up with a solution, give you his opinion. Keeping him engaged, will enhance his sense of success, which in return will strengthen your relationship, because he will feel good in the relationship with you, he’ll feel like he’s helping. Does that make sense?
#3. Men also need to feel wanted. Show him that you want to spend time with him, that you want him in your life, by your side, and under your sheets. Make him feel like he’s not just some dude
taking up space, but a person of interest to you.
He’ll feel more desired in the relationship with you, and you’ll look more desirable in his eyes because you’re allowing him to feel like a man. The most simple way to relay that to him, is by saying it. I tell my man several times a week, as the opportunities allow me, how much I love my life with him, how much I enjoy doing our little simple things, like eating breakfast in bed early Sunday morning, watching cheezy SyFy movies.
#4. Men want an authentic woman. A woman that doesn’t allow the world to tell her who she should be. A woman that doesn’t fall pray to the ideal culture stereotype of what Hollywood and magazine covers deem as sexy and desirable. Listening to all the feedback, I noticed that there’s something really powerful about a woman that speaks the way SHE speaks, walks HER walk, lives in her OWN skin, and doesn’t crack under the pressure of having to be this, or that. Be YOU, THAT is very attractive to a man.
There is a somebody for Everybody out there. And the more authentic that we are, the more we will attract the right kind of person that will embrace that. That video I mentioned I posted last week with the tips on how to gain more confidence? Yeah, you should take a look, take notes, write them in the accountability section of your journal, and follow the steps that I’ve been preaching from the beginning they will help here too…
#5. Men want a woman who takes care of herself. When a woman takes care of herself she essentially says that she prides herself in her appearance. She’s not “letting herself go”. Physical attraction is very important in a relationship, and that “attraction” can be easily lost if the woman no longer takes interest or cares about the way she looks. And the same thing goes for men. To most men, when a woman is not concerned with her looks, it says that she’s not concerned with the way her man is viewing her.
So m’ladies, we have to fit grooming and beauty into our schedules daily. It’s rare when my man comes home and I’m with my dark circles all out, messy hair in a bun. He knows I’m either overworked, super stressed, or I must not be feeling good.
Tip #6. A man wants respect. Showing your man that you respect him and what he does for you, will make him feel like he’s doing something right. Here’s the thing, we may feel that, but if we don’t say it, and don’t take action showing it, we can’t expect them to know this.
Show your man that you respect him and what he does for you. And because he likes that feeling, he’ll want to do more things that bring that feeling back. Never bring your man down in public, don’t boss him around, tell him what to do. If we don’t like to be addressed like that, we shouldn’t address anybody like that either. So whether it’s through a verbal compliment, a Post-it, or a nice home-made dinner, make sure that you show your man that you respect him, and appreciate what he does for you. Consistently.
#7. Maturity. A Great Man Wants A Woman Who Is Emotionally Mature. Maturity, in the sense that this woman is able to handle her emotions, people and circumstances responsibly, in a mature way. Things like gossiping, constantly talking about other people, nagging and complaining are not very sexy, and the older that we get, the more tasteless that becomes.
#8. Men love a woman that can take care of them. The way we love to be pampered, they love to be pampered. Give your man the occasional neck rub, do his laundry as often as you can, there’s no shame in that. Men by design are not the keepers of the house. We are. And even with our crazy work schedules and social calendars, we have to make sure that we take care of our men and our households. The video I made about How To Be The Most Perfect Partner, has some solid solutions to help you with this, check it out!
#9. Freedom. Just as we crave the freedom to be whom we are without feeling judged, men do as well. They want to be loved and accepted for who they are. Whenever I would get into a new relationship, and I would see my partner doing something I didn’t like, or thought was stupid,
I would asked myself: Will I be able to live with this every single day? If the answer was yes, I asked myself the second question: Am I absolutely sure that I’ll be OK with living with this every day? The reason I was doing that, was because I knew. When something bugs me, I’ll nag, bitch, moan and complain, and serve it cold, and that’s never good.
#10. Men want self-sufficient, secure, and confident women. Men need to be wanted and needed by their partners, but they also want their partners to be active and have a separate identity of their own. They want their woman to have her own friends, likes and interests. The moment we start latching on 24/7, start asking questions like
“Where are you going?”
“What are you doing?”,
“Who are you going with?”
We become the type of person that he doesn’t want to be around. And trust me on this!
I've learned it from my own mistakes. My insecurities translated for many years into my relationships. The fact that I've also been cheated on in the past, didn't help either, so I would constantly worry: what is he doing, who is he with right now, is he gonna cheat on me? Till the day I realized just how much I was tormenting myself, how unattractive that was making me, and how much it was affecting my relationships, I had to force myself to learn that no amount of "controlling" will ever keep somebody from doing what They want. So I had to surrender the fear of the unknown and the fear of what hypothetically Might happen, and allow my mind to rest and deal with crossing a bridge if it got there.
#11. Great men will not tolerate being manipulated in any shape or form, for any amount of time. Mind games, and other forms of manipulation will not attract or keep a great man. Learn to ASK for what you want and need without hesitation.
12. Men want fidelity and a commitment. Men want a woman with integrity, that doesn’t have a “wandering eye” or flirts with other men. Great men are NOT all about sex, and a great man, wants and plans on a loyal relationship on both ends. They know how to build an amazing relationship, and they also know that fidelity is the main ingredient in that.
Infidelity is as distasteful to this type of man, as it is to most women.
#13. For a multi dimensional man, there is nothing more attractive than a multi-dimensional woman. Keep showing him the different sides to your personality, to keep him on his toes, excited and never guessing what’s coming next. Be busy, but find the time to cook him dinner. Be a lady in public but a slut in bed. Take pride in your appearance, but know when it’s appropriate to hang your heels and put your hair up.
Reinvent yourself. Little changes in your appearance now and then, like having your hair up in a ponytail one day, down the next, half up, to the side, straight, curly, etc. — remind him that you are a complex woman, and there are many sides to you. That’s sexy as hell.
Here’s what:
Men want what most women want — as much of a WHOLE partner as possible. Somebody that’s strong, but able to open up to feelings and physical touch. Somebody that’s time-wise independent, has their own sh*t going on, but loves spending time with you, and you know it. Somebody who speaks their mind, articulates wants and needs, so you don’t have to do guess work. Somebody that respects you, is loyal to you, and looks and feels good about their own persona.
One powerful way to attract a great man and build a vibrant relationship is by creating a life of your own, that is great and full of your own fulfillment.
Use all the self esteem boosters I gave you last time, use that video about how to be the best partner, all these things that I’m giving you, are fitting in like puzzle pieces, to create an incredible machine within you. Use all these videos to your advantage and live this extraordinary life I know you can live!
Next week, in the Fashion & Beauty video, I’m so excited to share with you, the top beauty face and hair essentials ALL women must have!
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Now before we say our good byes, I hope that you wrote down the things you’d like to accomplish. You should have 5 of them on your list. As soon as this video is done, please take a look at your list, and assign each task to a day of the week, when you know you can accomplish it. After you’re done, please create yourself reminders for those days, alerting you of the specific task you need to accomplish. After you accomplish ALL of them within the specified time, I’d like for you to reward yourself.
Men, give yourself the gift of doing something that you love.
Ladies, I’d like for you to give yourself thisat-home coconut hair treatment I’ll tell you about next Thursday in the Fashion & Beauty video, because it will help make your hair awesome. (wink)
I can’t wait to see you next week, thank you for watching today, please be kind to yourself and all those around you.
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