Hi, nice to see you again my friend, WELCOME back!
It’s a new week, a new video, another opportunity to grow together, and I thank you for watching!
This week, in the Personal Growth category, we’ll talk about: How to gain more confidence; and I will give you 15 tips to help you accomplish that.
Also today, Every time you see this popping up on the screen (see video for details), I want you to practice good posture by straightening your back. Posture is one of the 15 self esteem boosters we’ll be going over right now, and by the end of this video I want to make sure we’ve done everything possible to help your success.
Onto today’s topic about gaining more confidence. Insecurities come in all sorts of shapes and sizes. They can be insecurities about the way we look say… acne, weight, shape, height. Insecurities about our physical and intellectual capabilities. Insecurities that manifest themselves in our relationships, like jealousy and trust issues, insecurities at work, with friends, with family — they can pop out of anywhere, anytime, and they’re usually stemming from roots deeper than the surface.
This is SUCH an important topic and because of that, I will spend a lot more time in future episodes coming back to this, and going over how to get rid of those deep roots, and permanently handle the issue.
But until then, I’d like for you to start with some tips that can be incorporated into your daily routine. If practiced everyday, these tips over time will develop into habits. And having healthier habits will not only make you look and feel good, they’ll help make the work we’ll do in the future, much easier to assimilate, and achieve the permanent results.
I want you to know that I have practiced and still practice every single one of these tips that I’m sharing with you. Some people don’t believe it at first, but up until about a year ago, this is how my face looked like without make up (see video for details). And that was on a good day! I had taken these selfies after months of treatment that my doctor had me on. I was a 27 year old with all sorts of acne. Black heads, white heads, nodulars, gross stuff, it was bad.
My business was putting me in front of successful entrepreneurs and CEOs, Hollywood and TV people, and I would show up insecure, operating at half of my potential, because I was so embarrassed by the pimples, lumps, and pounds of make up I had to cake on my face, to try to hide them.
In addition to the skin insecurities, I also had boatloads of other ones, some of which I talk about in my original intro video, others that I will share with you in future ones. So as we get going on this, I want you to feel comfortable in knowing that you’re hearing from somebody who dealt with massive insecurities, and understands how they feel like.
I also understand that you don’t have to be a victim to them. Not anymore! You can take back control of your self esteem, the way that you feel, and your life. So grab your journal because you’ll have a lot of new things to add to your accountability tab, and let’s get started!
First things first, you have to have the right mindset.
So tip #1 Is to accept that Confidence is not a myth. You CAN have it. It CAN be yours. You ARE worthy of it, and MORE than capable to acquire it. It is not limited to a select group of people. Believe that these tips are applicable to you. They have worked, continue to work, and can absolutely work for you as well.
Tip #2:
Walk faster. For most of us, that means roughly 20 to 25% faster than we are walking now. When you’re down on yourself, you will be dragging your feet. It’s pretty much a given. When you walk faster though, that’s saying “I’m going somewhere. I have places to be.” Just by walking slightly faster, your attitude can change. So do this every day. Walk faster, everywhere and anywhere you are.
#3.
Good Posture. This goes in line with tip #2. How you carry yourself, tells a story about how you feel inside and how you feel about yourself. When you see somebody hunched over, with lethargic-like movements, do you think that person is full of confidence? Probably not! But when you see somebody entering a room, walking with determination, standing tall, spine straight, shoulders back, chin up, that person exudes self esteem. And that person is usually the one attracting the other people around. Practice good posture daily. While you’re walking, sitting at your desk, brushing
your teeth, making dinner, watching this video right now… in doing so, you will automatically feel more confident.
Remember, during this video, every time you see this sign, straighten your back, and make a conscious effort to keep it that way.
Tip #4.
Turns out that food fuels more than just your body — it feeds your mood as well. Good foods will help you fight stress, fatigue, the blues, and much more. They can help make up for any nutritional deficiencies that may be draining your energy and brainpower. Good, clean foods can contribute to stabilizing blood sugar levels which in return will prevent fatigue. This year, one of my resolutions was to eat more clean foods. And I have to tell you, just the thought itself that I’m doing it, makes me feel so much better about myself.
Things like Oatmeal, Avocados, spinach, walnuts, a little wine and dark chocolate, have a soothing effect and can help elevate your mood. The reality is that it’s hard to transition to a healthy eating lifestyle. So never start with anything drastic, or you’ll risk failing. Start slow. Start by simply replacing one of your “bad” snacks with a good one. Do that for a little while, try different things till you find what you love snacking on, that is healthy. Then move to also adding a healthy meal into your diet, by replacing a “bad” one. And do that for a little while. Baby steps. But those steps will trigger a huge boost in self esteem.
Next tip. Dress Sharp.
Clothes may not make the man,but they certainly affect the way man feels about himself. No one is going to be more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. Whatever you wear, without you even noticing, will affect the way you carry yourself, which ultimately affects the way you interact with other people. When you dress in a hurry with whatever you get your hands on, you won’t feel your best, you won’t act your best, and the best things won’t happen in your life, as a mirrored-result. Use this knowledge to your advantage and take care of your personal appearance. And don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t mean you have to spend a fortune on clothing. You can get high quality items that are season-less and timeless.
Things like a blazer, or a pair of black pants, or neutral pumps. The rest, can be cheapy stuff. Take this look for example: you can see how I blended cheap with more expensive pieces, and you can do the same.
If you put a little thought into what you’re wearing and dress sharp, your attitude will change significantly over time.
Tip #6.
Write a list of things you need to accomplish, and start making things happen. Here’s what I mean by that: When we’re feeling lazy, fatigued, or lacking interest – symptoms often coming from how we feel inside, we tend to slack off. Would you agree? You’re not your usual aggressive you, getting things done, ARRGH you, so things are falling through the cracks. But that’s not the end of it. When you know you’re not doing something, you feel bad about yourself. You feel like a slacker! And that has an impact on your self esteem.
Even if you’re not necessarily telling yourself that out loud, you’ve already done it in your head. Our minds are so incredibly active, by the time we say it, we’ve long thought it. So don’t think that just because you’re not aware of it, it hasn’t happened already. What I found is that if I outline everything I have to accomplish in a week, both work and personal to do's, and I distribute those to do’s throughout the week days, I’m getting things done. And in doing that, I get this feeling of accomplishment, that makes me feel really good, and that feeling, is incredible for my self esteem.
So give it a try, and do it religiously, every week.
#7.
Speak up. Many folks are afraid to speak up because of what people will think of them. They’re afraid of saying something stupid, or being judged. But this fear isn’t really justified; more than anything, it’s just an assumption, a case built on OLD experiences. That fear basically tells your mind and body that you’re not smart enough, you’ll screw things up or say something stupid.
Of course you’ll be judged, because you’ll probably sound dumb, -or- you don’t have enough to bring to the table, etc. What kind of long term effect do you think this will have on your self esteem? It’s awful!!
Decide to believe in yourself enough to make an effort and speak up at least once in every group discussion. You will probably make mistakes, but everybody does! Overtime though, you’ll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and skin, and you’ll start being recognized as a leader by your peers.
Tip #8.
Do one thing that you love or really enjoy doing, every single day. If it’s taking 2 minutes to dance in the bathroom when no one’s watching because you love to dance. Do it. If it’s taking 5 minutes to give yourself a nice little foot spa, or a hand treatment. Do it. Whether it's through art, or writing, music or baking for heaven sakes, do something that makes you feel good, every single day. Following your passion not only has a very therapeutic effect, it helps alleviate stress. It helps you unwind from the day, and that feeling of knowing that you’re doing something for yourself, will make you feel good about yourself, and help build your self confidence.
#9.
Gratitude. We hear this so much, and maybe because of that, we tend to ignore it. But think about it, how many times a week when you wake up, do you give yourself 2 minutes to dive into that feeling of gratitude, think and give thanks for the things that you DO have? How many times do you actually DO that?
When we focus so much on what we want, what we’d LIKE to have, we tend to forget about the things we DO have in this very moment. Set aside some time each day to mentally list the things you are grateful for. Think about your past successes, unique skills, the eyes you have to watch this, the ears to hear, the heart to feel, the back that has the ability to straighten when you tell it. Waking up every day.
You’ll be amazed at how much you already have and if you practice gratefulness continuously, you’ll train your mind to think more positively.
If you watched the Relationships & Sex video I made about how to become the most amazing partner, you know how obsessed I am about setting reminders. So every morning, at the time that works best for you, have an alert pop up, reminding you to give thanks. And before your feet touch the ground in the morning, make sure you’ve spent the 2 minutes necessary to be thankful. (pop up saying linked in the video description)
Tip #10.
Work out. Along the same lines as the personal appearance, physical fitness has a huge effect on self esteem.
If you’re out of shape, you’ll feel insecure, unattractive, you’ll have less energy, and all that will affect you and everything around you more than you think. If you haven’t done it in a while, or hate doing it, start with committing yourself to one day a week. One day a week, get a picture out of something or somebody that inspires you. Decide you WANT to have more confidence, ask yourself how you’ll feel with more confidence, HOW it will affect your life, and just do it.
Having the discipline to work out not only makes you look better, but feel better, and it creates a positive momentum that helps with the self esteem.
Tip #11.
In addition to your body, you also have to keep your mind in shape. So make a list of 10 things that help keep your mind feeling nourished and make sure you’re incorporating at least one of these things into your routine, weekly. Reading a book, playing an instrument, learning a new language, watching an intelligent show like most ones on Discovery or History channels, go to a museum… Do something that’s good for your brain every week.
#12.
Practice confidence. Meaning: act as if! Fake it till you make it. However else you want to say it.
Like with everything in life, confidence will improve with practice. So even in times when you feel self conscious, insecure or out of it, pretend and act as if you’re the most confident person in the room. One of the greatest opportunities you have to do so, is when you meet new people. As you shake their hand firmly, watch your posture and tone. Speak up, stand straight, look into their eyes. If there’s something you’re insecure about, start doing it rather than hiding away from it.
Practice confidence and little by little, these little actions will develop into significant patterns.
Tip #13.
Your environment, directly impacts your self-perception and how you feel about yourself. So if you live in a messy place, if you’re surrounded by clutter and shit everywhere, it’s exactly how you’re going to feel.
Every week, make sure that you set a morning or evening aside, when you can clean up your stuff, throw away all the crap that you don’t need or hardly use, de-clutter your space, and live clean.
Next Tip.
Smile more. Make a conscious effort to smile 50% more than you currently do. Smile right now! Get yourself to put a smile on your face every day, even if you don’t feel like it. And see how many times you can catch yourself without one. You’ll be surprised at how much smiling can change your attitude about yourself.
Try smiling at everyone that you see. Without even realizing your mind will shift away from what’s burdening you. And who doesn’t like a person that’s smiling? Take a person that’s smiling, and another that isn’t and the smiling person will win every time. Like with all these tips, practice smiling every day.
Smiling also helps with other things like your power of persuasion and closing a sale. Check out this sales video about how to close a sale, and remember the part about smiling.
Finally, tip #15.
Don’t get involved in gossip! There’s a saying: “What Susie says of Sally, says more of Susie than of Sally.” Talking about other people is digging a grave for our self esteem. If Susie's gossip comes from a place of insecurity, which most often it does, instead of trying to bring Sally down, she should think of ways to bring herself up instead. Does that make sense?
Staying away from gossip is a HUGE long-term confidence boost. Trust me!
I will have more tips available for you in future Personal Growth videos, and I’m looking forward to working at PERMANENTLY boosting your self esteem.
I will also post an additional tip on my website this week, so keep an eye out for it and join the exclusive group. I’m working on things that only subscribed eyes will get to see :)
In the RELATIONSHIPS & SEX video coming out soon, we’ll talk about What men want in a woman, and if you’re subscribed to my YouTube channel, you’ll be first to call dibs.
I love reading your comments and hearing your thoughts about these videos. I try to answer as many questions as possible, so make sure you reach out. All the links to contact me are below.
If this video motivated or inspired you, please click LIKE. And if you want to bring the value into other peoples’ lives, SHARE it. I love you for being here with me I will see you soon. Be kind to yourself and to all those around you.
Let’s connect on Facebook!
#askalexandra on Instagram and Twitter.
alexandrapotora.com/Contact — these questions go straight into my inbox :)
Here's also that Intro Video I mentioned!
