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“Remind yourself that it’s OK not to be perfect.”
Hello there my friend, how’s it going? I’M BACK! – Finally!
I’m so sorry I took a long time off, but I swear I have a bunch of good excuses.
Umm… I went through some health issues, so that had me out for a little while. Certain issues were a big chemical contributor to some depression episodes that I’ve had recently and I’ll tell you more about that in a second…
Traveled to Romania (where I was born and raised) to see my family after 9 years and THAT was a really emotional time, got engaged, then married, I moved… made the cover of Popular Psychology… so a lot of things have been going on. BUT I’ve been really thinking of you guys and really, TRULLY missed you, and felt so bad every time somebody would ask “Where are your videos? What happened?” It was eating me up inside. So thank you, for keeping me in your thoughts, for your loyalty and your patience, it really means everything to me, you have no idea!
But a… yeah… that’s why I took some time off. I did however… make some good use of this time to get myself more organized and think of ways to make these videos better and easier to consume; I spent some time giving some juju to my website, launched the subscriber-only features and benefits and you can subscribe for free now and get all the extra content that will come with every video, and now I’m finally here, ready to see you every week again and talk about all the stuff we talk about.
I hope you still have your journal handy and have been using it. Please don’t drop the ball on that journal, I know that follow through takes time, and energy and work, but consistency is the key to becoming better people, both inside and out. And if you don’t know what this journal is, or you want a reminder on how to use it, the link to the video that explains how to do so is below in the description.
Now, this video is a part two video. Part one – also linked below – got a reaction that really overwhelmed me. In a good way. You guys really loved that video and I got a lot of messages and comments from people that got inspired by it, or have given the steps I’ve shared a try and have really seen a difference in their lives, so.., that got me really excited and motivated to do more!
I realized that I want and HAVE to give you more, so let’s start talking again, about dealing with depression!
Now, I’m not a licensed therapist, I didn’t go to school for this, but I have suffered from depression for years and still have to deal with it every now and then, and in part one I shared some of the reasons why I’ve had depression. So because I’ve been through it first hand, I know what it feels like, I know what it does to you and I know how hard it is to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Most of the time, you see nothing.
But I have managed to pull myself out of it, and it’s for that reason that I’m doing these videos. The first video that’s linked below, is full of tips and how to’s that have worked for me. And I recommend watching that Part 1 before this Part 2.
But, part of the territory when you expose yourself online, is occasionally you get hate comments. And I’ve had a couple of folks send me some negative messages with “you’re not licensed, you shouldn’t speak!” but I feel exactly the opposite. I think it’s my responsibility to share with you what I’ve tried and what has worked for me, and I know that you would do the same thing. It’s the right thing to do. And far more people told me that the previous video gave them hope and tangible things to do, and that to me is a good thing so I’ll take any backlash from anybody if I know that overall what we’re doing here is something good.
So, with that said, let me start with one of the most interesting things that I’ve learned over the past 6 months. What I’ve learned, is that the hormonal balance in our bodies has a really big impact not only on our physical body, but our emotions and overall state of mind as well.
For the past year I haven’t been feeling too good. I started gaining weight very fast, I was sleeping really bad, like… in patches throughout the night, waking up every other hour. In the morning I would wake up so tired and there were days you guys, when I felt so exhausted, I would literally not get out of bed – like all day – because I didn’t have energy to get up and do things. I was having almost daily migraines, so bad, that the whole left side of my head was pulsating. My left eye was foggy, my left ear was ringing, I just wanted to curl into a little ball and stay there. I also started getting severe cellulite, I’m talking all the way down to my knees, I was lightheaded a lot, having hot flashes, and was going through some intense depression blues. And the thoughts that were going through my head were: I’m turning 30, what the hell have I been doing with my life? Where did my life go… I was literally going through a midlife crisis.
What a MESS! So long story short, I went to the doctor to figure out what the heck was wrong and my doctor checked for a lot of different things. But after checking my hormone levels, we learned that my body was going through early onset menopause. Now if you’re a guy, I’m so sorry, I swear I’ll make the really short!
But here’s what! In the U.S., the average age of onset for "natural" menopause is 51. I was 29 when that started happening to me. And the doctor told me it’s because of being on birth control pills for so long. Yes! Those hormone packed little rockets of baby proofing have literally sent me into menopause at 29.
Now since getting the news, I’ve had to emotionally deal with it, then I started following the program my DR put me on, which consisted of switching to a non-hormone secreting IUD, a cocktail of vitamins, green powders and such, and I slowly started to emotionally balance again, have more energy, drop some weight and feel better. I’m still a work in progress, but it’s night and day difference than it was before.
So tip #11 in this part 2, is to go to a family doctor, and set up an appointment to get your hormone levels checked, PLEASE! I’m telling you, if I wouldn’t have had to deal with that for myself, I probably would have discarded this tip. But I’ve seen how it changed my life, so I consider this the absolute best possible thing that you can do for yourself.
You could have an internal imbalance, and maybe that’s why you may feel like it’s harder for you to get over depression than it is for other people. Following this tip could drastically improve your mind, body and life.
#12. Change the way you talk. Ok, so the deal is this – the more you talk about something, the more you start accepting what you’re saying as your truth. And if that’s something negative, you’re essentially sabotaging yourself.
It’s like saying that you should think positive. You have to talk positive too. When you want good things, but all you talk about are negative ones, there’s no progress. One of the strongest steps you can actually take toward recovery is not only thinking, but TALKING more positively.
Even if you don’t feel or believe what you’re saying, by using a more positive language, you’ll help your mind to reshape and think more positively too. I know this first hand, it works. So if somebody’s asking you “hey, how are you, how you doing?” instead of saying ‘bad’, ‘crappy’, ‘like shit’, you can say ‘I’m taking it one day at a time”, or, “I’m making the best of things that come my way”, something to that extent, whatever your choice of words may be, just make sure that you’re more selective with what you’re saying and don’t allow any negative words to come out of that beautiful mouth of yours. The more you say negative things, the stronger the depression will get, so don’t allow it to get tougher on you!
#13. I talked in part one about starting small, setting a few small goals, and slowly building from there – and I gave you some ideas on how to start small. What I want you do now, is reward yourself after each one of those accomplishments. If you push yourself to go on a short walk around the block, reward yourself with something you enjoy, afterwards. And do that every time you take another small step forward. Just make sure that the reward doesn’t go inline with the things that make you feel depression. In other words, if financial hardship is depressing, don’t go shopping as a reward to going for a walk. Does that make sense?
Tip #14 – Don’t neglect your grooming. I KNOW how easy it is to let ourselves go when we’re depressed and pay no attention to our appearance and clothing. But looking like shit is not going to make us feel better. Actually, it will only encourage more of that down feeling. So reintroduce daily grooming back into your routine, and just watch how your mood will start being elevated. Wash your face and moisturize, even if you’re staying home all day. Take a shower. Things like getting a haircut, using a body spray after taking a shower or curling your hair – all these can make a world of a difference.
Like I said earlier though, watch your wallet! A common habit when going through depression is to go on spending sprees. But believe you me, buying stuff when you’re in those stages of dealing with depression, will only make you feel good in that moment. But then your mood will go back, if not get worse, because now you’ve spent money that maybe you didn’t have. That’s what happened to me. And you would think that I learned the first time. But nooo, I kept doing the same mistake over and over and over again, I felt like the depression didn’t just make me blue, it make me stupid as well. And then the downward spiral would start again. So please don’t make the mistakes that I’ve made, and don’t give yourself any more opportunities to talk down to yourself. Don’t blow through your money. Take a look at your finances, and only allow yourself to spend a certain amount per month in grooming and rewarding, an amount that fits comfortably within your budget.
I want to show you something that I use. It’s an app called Toshl finance. I hope I’m saying it right. If not… Sorry app people! I got the free version of this app, because I use it only for basic things, but this essentially helps me stay within my monthly spending budget. (see video)
You set up your budget, and then log every expense you make every time you make it. At a glance, you’ll be able to see how much money you have to spend, and not guess or say, “Oh I’ll be good next month.” Because next month turns into the following month, and then the month after, and then next thing you know, you’ve been perpetuating the bad habit all year.
I'll add a link to the app store in my video description.
Next tip – Expose yourself to a little bit of sunlight every day. Have your coffee or tea outside, or read the newspaper or your tablet outdoors. Shoot for about 20 minutes of sunlight a day to elevate your mood. I say this, because even though it hasn’t been entirely understood exactly how vitamin D works in the brain, research has found a strong correlation between depression and a lack of Vitamin D.
Vitamin D by the way, is also known as the ‘sunshine vitamin’. So now you’re nailing 2 of the tips I’ve given you, in one shot, because sunshine means being outdoors and getting some fresh air, and leaving the stuffiness of your home.
When I got my lab results back, I had such a deficiency in vitamin D, most people when they’re low on their D’s get about 1,000 units for a little while to bring those levels back up, but my doctor had to put me on 50,000 units per day, that’s how low I was. So, please check your health and go outside and get some sunshine.
Tip #16. De-clutter and/or re-arrange your living space. Start by throwing away crap that you don’t need. The lighter the load, the more clear-minded and liberated you’ll feel in your space. That means clothes, bags, shoes, papers, home décor stuff, if you’re not madly in love with it, if you haven’t been using it or wearing in the last 6 months, get rid of it!! Donate, give to friends or family, throw away or sell in a yard sale, just lighten your space. Then, move some things around to give your home area a new feeling. Dust around every week, open the windows wide, and let some of the outside world and light come in. Your space should be de-cluttered, organized and clean. And your mood will be impacted and elevated as a result.
The moment I started doing that versus how it used to be before, when I would close all the curtains and live in a cave… I really did start feeling better. The truth is though, that you have to push yourself. You have to push to get out of bed, because nobody else will do these things for you.
And you’ll notice the difference. The moment you start doing more, you’ll start feeling better.
#17. A good way to deal with the backend anxiety that comes from depression is by incorporating some relaxation techniques into your daily routine. Yoga is a great tool – but if you don’t have the energy to get into your car and drive to a studio, get yourself a DVD. I feel that way, so I use this one (see video) at home. It has a couple of sessions in the 30 minute mark, a couple 40 and 50 minutes long, so it will be easier to start doing it. On a day when you don’t have 30 minutes to do yoga, you can practice deep breathing, and doing a minute of stretching; meditation and progressive muscle relaxation also work amazing and they help so much! The key though is to do at least one of these things on a daily basis. This daily practice of relaxation will help relieve some of the depression symptoms + reduce some of your stress, and encourage feelings of peacefulness and well-being.
Tip #18. One of the side effects of depression, and I definitely suffered of that, is the lack of concentration. And even though I’ve progressed leaps and bounds from where I was, I still have some problems concentrating. Reading. Retaining information. So one of the things I recommend doing if you too are having these issues, is to do a couple of minutes of brain targeting exercises every day.
What I did, is I downloaded 3 apps. (see video) —- this is what they look like if you feel compelled to find them in the app store.
Every morning, I do the recommended daily exercises in all 3 apps.
This sort of brain exercises stimulate memory retention and attention to detail, and I’ve personally noticed a difference. And let me tell you, that progression has helped my overall self esteem and feeling better about myself. I swear, I though I was going dumb and that made me feel horrible and stressed.
Tip #19. Help others. This tip is mostly effective once you start feeling better yourself first. Because if you’re down and you see others being down, that will defeat tip #8 from the first video. Remember, you have to take care of yourself first. But once you’re on the recovery road though, you’ll notice that doing a kind act for others will not only help YOU feel better about yourself because you’re bringing something of value, but it will help divert your attention from your own personal life. Do some volunteer work or get involved in a charity. Just make sure that whatever time you invest in this won’t pose any sort of conflicts with your own progress. You don’t want to overexert and exhaust yourself.
Tip #20. Before sharing this though, I want to do a quick recap: You have 10 tips in the first video, 10 tips in this video and there are 15 more, very detailed tips in the email you got from me, if you’ve signed up for my weekly newsletter. I’ve actually written an entire blog full of tips and affirmations for my email subscribers –If you’re one of them, HEY… :) you already got this video delivered in your inbox as well as the link to the exclusive content. If you’re NOT a subbie, please come join me, it’s free and when you do, I’ll send you an email with the link to this rich content that compliments everything that I’ve shared here and in video one.
So that’s 35 tips you guys, to help deal with depression. But here’s the thing. If you’re doing every single thing that we talked about. If you want to get better. If you’re making the conscious daily effort to feel better but don’t notice any improvements or hardly any, I really recommend speaking to a licensed professional. I do. And I’m not ashamed of it. I want to be the best possible person that I can be. Every tip that I’m sharing with you I’ve done. And that helped me go from thoughts of suicide and 2 failed attempts, to an empowered, confident person. But I want to feel even better. So for the past 4 months, I’ve been seeing a psychologist. And I gotta tell you, it’s amazing to speak to somebody that’s not judging me and can bring a clinical eye to the table. Seeing her is a matter of choice for me simply because I want to feel even better, in the shortest amount of time possible. But in this video, I’m talking about feeling better overall. And if you’re not seeing any improvements in your life, the best thing you can do for yourself is to speak to a professional in addition to following all the tips. See who’s covered by your insurance, do your research, look up reviews and bios, and start talking a professional.
OK. So next week in the new Relationships & Sex video, we’ll talk about Sabotaging. It’s going to be a very interesting video. We’ll talk about why we could be sabotaging our relationships, and I’ll share with you my top sabotaging acts that we do, and how to help stop them.
Leave me a comment or ask me your questions below, on my FB page, or Twitter & Instagram using #askAlexandraP. And… Let me know if you have any ideas for future videos, or if there’s something you want me to talk about.
Oh yeah…. And I mentioned in last week’s video about keeping New Year Resolutions, that I’m thinking about doing a giveaway soon. I’m just trying to figure out what that should be, what prize to give away, so let me know if you have any thoughts on that as well.
This week I’d like to give a video shout out to Nisa Zulkefli (sorry doll if I said your name wrong), but… she’s been such a sweetheart, she subscribed to the email newsletter on my website, and connected with me on Facebook and Instagram…. So… Hey lady!
I love you guys for watching today… being in my life… and having me in yours. Gosh, it’s so good to be back here with you again, thank you for being on this ride with me, I’ll see you next Thursday for a new video!
Bye!
“People are like bicycles. They can keep their balance only as long as they keep moving.” – Albert Einstein
